the pause: how to reorganize the patterns running your life

are you making decisions in the moment?

often, we’re not.

we’re responding from old patterns.

someone says something that bothers us and we defend ourselves. someone disappoints us and we withdraw. we feel uncertain and so we try to control everything.

these reactions can feel like us. but they may simply be conditioning.

the first step is noticing

you can’t change a pattern you don’t see.

start paying attention to the moments when you react quickly.

ask yourself: what just happened? what did i immediately feel? what did i want to do next? have i reacted this way before?

you don’t have to judge the reaction, just be curious about it.

do you say yes when you really want to say no?

do you notice that criticism makes you defensive?

do you notice that when you feel rejected you pull away before the other person can explain?

this is where the pause raises awareness

the pause creates a small space between what happens and what you do about it.

someone sends you a message that irritates you? instead of responding immediately, pause.

ask: am i responding to what is actually happening or am i responding to something this reminds me of?

the pause gives you the chance to see the pattern before the pattern takes over.

try a 10 second pause.

you don’t need to meditate for an hour.

try this: STOP.

take one long slow breath.

notice what is happening in your body. notice the thought you are having. notice the impulse.

then ask: what would i choose if i wasn’t reacting automatically?

sometimes you’ll still choose to speak. sometimes you’ll say no. sometimes you’ll walk away.

the difference is that you’re choosing rather than repeating.

start noticing your automatic moments

for one week, don’t try to change yourself.

just notice.

notice when you:

• over explain yourself

• people please

• become defensive

• interrupt

• shut down

• reach for your phone

• say yes when you mean no

• try to control

• avoid a difficult conversation

• assume you know another person

• criticize yourself when something doesn’t go perfectly

these are clues.

your patterns are often easiest to see in the moments when you feel triggered, rushed or emotionally charged.

the pause creates choice.

without the pause, the pattern says “this what we always do.”

with the pause, you can say: do I actually want to do this?”

you have a choice

pause long enough to notice. notice long enough to choose. choose differently when something different is needed.

that is how the pause becomes more than just stillness, it becomes a way of changing the way you live.